My poems

1. Living is more than life

And just as you know it

In the blink of an eye

In the speed of a second

Today is gone

Then it'll be tomorrow

Then it’ll be a week

Then months

And years

And before I know it

I'll be done with highschool

I'll be graduating college

I'll be going to weddings and funerals

And i’ll be gaining knowledge

About myself 

About the world

About people and about life

So I hope that by the time a second has passed

And by the time I open my eyes

When I realize it's all over

I hope I can say I did more than just survive

2. Be Myself

I don't know how to be myself

Because I don't know who to choose

It depends on the person

Depends on the muse

I can speak forever

I can also not speak at all

My brain can be big

My brain can be small

There is no myself

When I don't know what is me

All of me is just too different

What am I meant to be?

3. From an artist's perspective

I still love what I used to

I always will

But right now I might be looking at it 

from new angles on a different stilt

4. Elementary opinions

I was the odd one out

Or the positive one in

But all I ever wanted

Was to be able to fit in

I copied your opinions

Made them mine

I never wanted pity

I just wanted you to think I shine

I copied your opinions

Because I was afraid you wouldnt like my own

But when I did that

You thought I was a “copy cat”

So am I just meant to be alone?

5. Old but not lost

You're a part of my childhood

I think of that I think of you

But when I think of now

where are you?

This broke my heart

But then I realized there’s no point in breaking

I still have memories in the making

Not as a kid anymore

I get to open a new door

To a new world

Where you still and always will exist

And I know you'll do the same too

Because even though we don't open doors for each other anymore

I'll always find you as a detail in a corner or on the floor.

6. You are

A library of memories i do not want to exist

A beautiful shirt with cuts and slits

You almost made me who you are

You almost took away every star

i’ll always wonder what and who i’d be

If you didn't come and step all over me

7. were and are

I miss who I thought you were

Not who you are

I miss the shining

Not the star

I miss the pieces

Not the puzzle

I liked the voice

But only when it was covered by the muzzle

Which filtered what you wanted me to know

And what you didn’t

What you said and how I listened

The writing on the paper

Wasn't as clear as it should've been

But slowly yet surely

The ink started seeping in

10. אלה שלפניכם

Hearing you tell the stories

About the ones before you

The ones who had it hard

The ones who had it blue

The ones who went through more

More than i’ll ever have to

And how they were strong enough

Not only to live

But to have and raise someone as beautiful and smart as you

11. Mirror

It's the same mirror

Same people

But new reflections

New angles 

New lighting

New perceptions

Who knew cleaning the glass

Would make things so clear

Who knew it would make me realize why they were here

Realizing their looks

Were their best imperfection

And their mind and intentions

Were the worst of their defections

Stop looking into the mirror

And start looking into their mind

Because mirrors don't show you anything

Besides what they want you to find

12. New day, new disguise

Whatever they want

Is whatever you'll be

You tell me your lies

I tell you my secrets

I pay by giving you trust

But your lies are free

13. Abstract

I trust my assumptions about you more than the words you say

Because unlike my assumptions when I believe you I end up having to pay

I pay by having to admit to others they were right about you from the start

You're different to everyone and hard to read like an abstract work of art

A new lie, another finishing touch

Another excuse, another streak with the brush

An endless cycle of these two actions

Which I doubt will ever end

Im leaving the gallery, you can stop playing pretend.

14. I'm sorry

Two simple words

Yet so hard for some people to say

15. The Apologies I'll never have

Forgiving is not accepting an apology

Because most people never apologize

We are growing up in a world

Where doing the right thing 

isn't always seen as the best option

Where people would rather lie 

than be honest to themselves

The only way to truly forgive

Is not to forget

Not to reciprocate

But to grow

To mature

And remember

16. Time is an original painting

Today seems to have skipped over 

And by the time I finish writing this tomorrow will have too

And when I finally have time to sit down and take a deep breath

I am left breathless

Out of shock because since when did the world start spinning this fast

So fast that days don't count

And minutes are useless

People I've met seem like characters from a story that's not mine

And places I've seen are like scenes from a movie I watched ages ago

Time is like art

You can always go to more galleries

And see more paintings

But the most exceptional paintings are the ones you remember

The ones you'll keep close to your soul-your heart

Youll buy a printed copy to put in your house

To mimic the feeling of the first

The original

But the texture isn't the same

The color isn't just right

You’ll keep it hanging there though

To remind you of the feeling you felt

The connection you made

Even though it'll never be the same

18. Art

I am like art.

Everyone sees me differently

Different angles

Different filters

Some people get spin-offs

Some people get cameos

Different people see different perspectives of me

Different versions of me

Or

I make different versions of myself

To mold to different people

Because I still don’t know what is myself.

19. Room

Sometimes when I get in my head

it locks the door

and keeps me thinking more and more

It takes me to places I don’t want to be

and gives me thoughts I can’t free

I create situations

In which I always assume the worst

I’d rather know second

And think first.

20. The world isn’t enough

I tend to put myself in a whole

Where all I can see is the dark

Because I blind myself with the dirt

knowing there is sunshine and grass above

but the dirt stains your skin

and its hard to come off

so I live with the dark coloring

for some time until it finally goes away

This happens to me even on the beach with the feel of the sand and the sting of the sun

or on the highest of mountains when the shivers from the snow and the feeling of altitude have begun
I have managed to bury myself even in the most beautiful of fields

where all the flowers blossom and grow

While I find myself trying to yield.

I can scower the earth and go to all of these places

yet I find myself coming back to the same feelings and faces

No matter where I go and what I do
the dirt seems to always blind the sunshine coming through

21.One by One

Why do I think of things that haven’t happened

and probably wont.

Thinking I want to

when I probably don’t

I don’t know myself well enough

To know what meant for me

But I still blame others

For when i’m sad

For when i’m happy
Yet I still am my own best friend

no one knows me better than myself

which I think explains why I can’t stand myself

and regret almost everything I do

and most of what I say

I can almost never go a single day

without at some point not feeling okay

from thinking about something I shouldn’t have said

or something I should’ve done

I wish all my thoughts didn’t come running through

I wish they could just come one by one

22. When my world was small

Sometimes I wish I could go back to when the world was small

and I was smaller.

When the adults I know seemed much wiser, much taller

When the little I knew was all I needed to know

When I still had so much left to grow

When my sight was saturated

And the sky was bright blue just like the shows I’d watch on TV

All I needed to do was live

and I was happy.

23. Invisible

I wish people could see you for what you are

I wish they could do more than just look

I wish they could read you

not just by the words you say

but the things written inside your soul

like a book
I wish your actions were as big and obvious and your smile

And I wish your lies were as bright and noticeable as your big round eyes

I wish that from a quick glance, a quick read

people could see more

so that looks wouldn’t be the only form of judgement a stranger would need

I wish you carried your morals on your sleeve

or around your neck

So that everyone passing by

would always know what to expect

You have everything any girl could ever want and more

yet you seem to stay so miserable with yourself

so hungry for a spotlight

that no longer exists

so hungry to stay a star

in a broken show

with an empty audience

It stains me that I used to be one of the people who held the spotlight

and it pains me you haven’t changed a bit

I wonder when you’ll realize the audience is empty

And the spotlight is left unattended

This show your performing is overdone and overused

and my younger self is exhausted from seeing the same exact performance

with not a single change in sight

You still act like that attention-seeking manipulative child you once were

And i’m tired from having to watch your same performance every night.

24. T-when you leave for college

I can’t think of you not being there

because I think of her

I think of the little girl who went upstairs

To be with that other little girl

the one with curly hair

I think about the times they had

whether happy or mad

I think about the nights in

and the days out

but most of all

I think about how my other half has been here all along

Because our bond has always been strong

No matter what or who got in the way

I am lucky to call you my family

you have always stayed

I am lucky to be able to talk to you every day

and hear your words for the world

I’m lucky to see you grow

from what once was a little girl

But even though your older

I’m so excited to see you start

what now is a new chapter for you

that soon I hope to get to too

I am so excited to be able to read your new pages

which are soon to come
I’m so excited to see the results of what now has begun

but most of all i’m excited to see you grow

I hope you are able to see how much I love you

I hope it glows.

25. Goodbye for now

It creeps into my thoughts

every once in a while

memories that now give me a frown used to make me smile

my heart hurts

and my head feels fragile

I try to be alert

so that the thought doesn’t creep up

and pull me down

down so deep that i’m staring at myself in the mirror holding back tears

wishing you’d stay here

My face is turning red

and my heart is turning blue

because how can the blood reach my heart without you

you're a part of me

a part of all I know

I don’t want you to leave

But I think most of all I don’t want us to grow.

Far from here

far from little girls

with big smiles

I look back at our fights and laugh

I look back at our laughs and cry

It’s funny how different things can feel at a different time

and its sad how fast time flies

its crazy to think that in a couple of months your plane will be the one I see flying in the skies.

And from then on

the time I see on my phone

Will be a different one from yours

and when I look out the window

we won’t have the same view

just like if I go up a floor

I’ll no longer be able to see you

I love you all more than you know

And no matter how far you go

the roots of our tree will reach

the roots of our tree will grow.

26.Moments like these

Moments like these remind me of the gift life truly is

A gift so delicate and fragile

A gift so thin it runs through my fingers

And deep into the ground before you know it.

Moments like these remind me that my time could be at any moment.

The last time I see someone today could be the last time I see someone ever

I seem to forget that when someone is gone they are gone forever.

Something I normally don't think about 

Simply because they are things I can’t wrap my mind around

Moments like these remind me that anyone I love could be next

Today could be our last text

The last time my eyes see your face

And the last time your eyes look at mine

I now remember the people in my life are irreplaceable

I am lucky because they are hard to find

They remind me that every single person

Whether good or bad

Is one of a kind

And the idea of them leaving

And not coming back

Is like losing a piece of me

A piece of what I know

If you were to leave

How do I breathe?

How do I grow?

something

                       I 

                                  Used

                                                   To 

                                                            Never

     Think 

                               about

But because of moments like these its all over my mind

all my other worries seem to fall

behind

Because what matters if the people I need aren’t here

nothing else really matters

there

is

no

higher

fear.

37. The blur of you

I am good at staring contests

Because I am able to zone out

I no longer see your colors

And what you are all about

I am good at staring contests

Because I am able to zone out

And when I cant see

My thoughts are all that count

Sometimes looking too much

Is like not looking at all

Sometimes things seem really big

When in reality they are quite small

Yet the distortion of my eyes

Is never my biggest fear

Because thoughts remain longer than any view

And at the end of the day

My thoughts are what stay with me

Through the blur of you

38. Cushions of the past

My happiness is measured in moments

And my smile measured in time

When I get too stuck in a moment

I seem to slip away

I seem to fall behind

Into the soft cushions of past moments

Into the warmth from some time ago

I think a part of me will never be able to let those good memories go

39.Overthinking

I try to not eat my feelings

But instead I end up eating away at my thoughts

Trying to push them down

Trying to buy more locks

To keep them hidden

Far from what I think I know

So that my thoughts don’t deepen

So that my thoughts don’t grow

40.Cluttered

I feel so cluttered

I feel so behind

It isn’t lost

But I can’t find my mind

Its hiding somewhere

Deep beneath my brain

Its hiding in a place

That if I go

I know i’ll turn insane

So the floor starts to spiral

And so do I

Because somewhere through these walls

I think I lost my mind.

41. Thank you

Thank you for reading

I hope you now see me fully through

I hope these words taught you more than me

I hope they taught you some of you

I hope you leave with a little more red in your heart

and with a little more knowledge in your brain

I hope the words you read

make you feel a little less insane